Point there. Not that this is what I was feeling. It was what I was thinking when I think of the old me. Trying to be who I really am? Sounds logical. No arguments there. But like I said. Just thinking bout the past. Something to ramble and to purge out from my system. I would say that now I'm a total different man. Still an optimist though. But no more dreams, hopes or anything unreal. Except God of course. Other than that, I believe it when I see it. I think what I want to think.
But everyone knows that I have a problem to react according to my own emotions.
When I'm angry, I might laugh
When I'm happy, I might cry
When I'm emo, I do not know how to do that.
So it's a little hard for me to do that. I find it amazing that they can just laugh when they feel like it, curse to others cause they are angry and simply cry because something terrible has happened. To be honest, something did happen. A family member of mine passed away. We aren't close but he is just 2 year older than me. Engaged and successful. It strike me in a way I do not understand.I mean, I'm just lost at words right now. I even began to wander around, walking with umbrella on my hand, journey past the rain, to absolute no where. Thinking if I actually die right now, in this minute, would anyone be genuinely sad or care? True that if i die, I die alone. I just do not know what I'm thinking now. Just at a dark dark place right now. How did I even get here in the 1st place? Did the things happening around me changes me? I do not remember being angry all the time. I do not remember the time where I always be with my close friends and not alone in a corner somewhere.
Fuck this shit k? I really do not know WHAT is happening to me. ARGH!!!!! Fuck it!
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