Sunday, April 28, 2013

Found My Recipe Book Again

It seems life is full of whimsy. Don't get me wrong, I did figured it will turn out like this some day, even though days passed I wish it wouldn't be like this. Well then straight shooter, I'm back at this road again.

I already see it months pass but ignorance and denial were my close companions throughout the harsh journey. The wave, no matter how far you see it coming, no matter how many times you try to imagine how hard it gonna hit, it is beyond comprehension of the mind, no matter how great the mind, to do so. Here I am, thinking I'm ready to face the blast, thinking I have put up my best armor, I bleed like a thousand swords passed through my aching body.

It hurts..It really does. Without a doubt, I miss her, truly. May sound strange to people, but she was the light of me. No matter how dark the place I am, she is my source of light, never waver, never gone. And people think she is the weaker one. I have to disagree on that completely. She bears a totally different strength all together. A strength to make others strong.

I'm rambling again. That is what I've do these days. Couldn't get over the fact she is gone now. But permit me to say this, I'm thankful for 2 things. The memories I had, all the small moments, both good and bad, and also the opportunity to remain her friend still. I will treasure this greatly in my own way.

And owh god, to future me reading this, learn how to open up to people god damnit. You bottle everything like a freaking jar. Do remember, it will leak one day idiot. Lately, these few nights have been bad for me  emotionally and physically. Crying and insomnia. Bad combo peeps.

Sigh. Enough rambling. It will do me no good. Can't believe I came back to this blog after so long. Guess its my soft shell, a go to habit in a way? No regrets. No mistakes. No such thing. It was good while it last. I'm sorry that it didn't work out. Guess you are too awesome for me after all.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Friday, February 17, 2012

Sunday, May 22, 2011

A Dreadful Recipe Of The Infamous Political Cookie

What I'm about to say in this post might be pointed out as dangerous, perhaps slight racist and very political. You have been warned.

I am a Muslim in this country. But I'm not a Malay. I always hated to clarify this every time people assume that I am a Malay. It is not an insult to me if I am viewed as a Malay but I think the very idea of race today or even the thought of inquiring one's race is either obsolete or dangerous question.

Obsolete because one is always viewed from the nationality of a person rather than the race of the person especially in this age where world-wide communication is happening and every individual can know about the other countries with a stroke of a keyboard. Dangerous is because it can be considered as stereotyping a person based on assumption on 1st impression. In books I have read, stereotyping is a natural phenomenon as we are just human. But, although our mind or thought may stereotype a person, it is best however to disregard such thought and only reach a conclusion based on facts and question, not presumptions.

Reason to this blog post is to redirect my fear for this country especially with alarming news basing the issues of Muslim and non Muslims rights in this country. Sadly, this is the front page of the newspaper. Time after time, this so-called 'issue' is being debated back and forth by political parties. In my perspective, what ever is their goal is for doing so, they should stop. The concept of race is like a fire so to say. It is essential to have as it warms the people around it but having it too much could lead to an inferno for those same people. Race is essential. It is who we are and it is our identity. I always find it admirable that some are proud of their race. But, it is also a sensitive issue to many. Be proud all you can about your race but be respectful in return to others.

As for me, race is never an issue for me personally. I feel that we are equal in many ways and also can be different in many ways. But that's what I love about being a human. We are so unique in every way and yet there are still many similarity in every of us. Back on the political aspect, many citizen possessing great skill and mind have left the country. This is call Brain Drain. Mostly, the reason the left the country is because of money or because of the current condition of the country. Most parents believe that success and new ideas is only achievable on foreign lands, not here. They are in view that there are many restrictions here that would block the potential therefore one should work abroad so that such potential will be appreciated.

On this topic, I can understand it and also I can argue against it. Call it my own dilemma. I agree that when I bring a whole new idea or a concept, they would respectfully refuse it because they feel comfortable with the last year's idea. Perhaps they may find it a radical thing to do or they are just afraid of doing something new. But, if I discuss it with others that appreciate change or betterment, they usually suggest more improvements to that idea that I have given. I do not mind getting my ideas turn down like that but I believe that there are things one should change in the idea to better themselves and some things should not be changed at all in the name of faith, belief, and tradition.

To further contradict myself in this topic, I believe those people who left the country should stay and try to bring change here. Wits such a brilliant mind and fantastic skills, there must be someone that can appreciate it. Some say it is a lost cause but a slight improvement is better than no improvement.

As to my conclusion, to those fellow in the government currently or in future, think of the importance of your every action today as time shall tick away without mercy. If a person can waste time stating the rights of a person based on faith and race, think that the same time which was wasted could be used in a more beneficial way to improve the current status of this beautiful country.

p/s-If there is any comment or complaint to this blog, please put it in the comments below. But bare in mind, this is only a matter of opinion. If you disagree, I do not mind having a good debate, but nothing more than a debate. Hahaha

Monday, January 24, 2011

No idea for a Cookie recipe to satisfy such hunger

I think I'm in pain or something else I'm feeling. Got no clue. Sometimes upset, sometimes emotional, sometimes irrational. Currently having a company helps a little. Reading some random books that has nothing to do with my studies also helps. Damn I love books and reading them. I think I prefer to be a librarian now. Random? I doubt it. Loved reading since I was 3 years old I think?

Besides the fact, I still cant figure out or solve the puzzle why I'm feeling like this. I would describe it but even I do not know what it is. Which is better? A doctor for me or a psychologist examining me? Symptoms or problems? What is the reason of this problem is also beyond me. Frankly I might think it is exams coming up. Or the unsettling fear of me failing such exams and possibly drop out from college. I have to be honest though, the idea of being a drop-out is quite attractive even though it will be hard on me financially and 'future-ly'.

That is all then. FYI, Dean is awesome than Sam Winchester. Adios!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Friday, December 17, 2010

Relapse Cookie

I don't like it anymore. The same things. Every single day. Wake up, go class, go back. Mix some with work, assignment, sleep and etc. Nothing surprises me anymore. Same only. Need to get out of here. I'm to used having a car. Or at least drive. I miss driving. Not just my car. ANY car would be fine. And yes. I miss having friends that always have randomness in their head or at least entertains me whenever I'm with them. Tried football and basketball the other day. It was okay. Rainy season is not good for my health. Been sick. Showering in the rain of course. My bad. I am actually alone most of the time. On purpose. Just get away from people. Is that bad? Dunno oso lar. Its good anyway. I could focus on study. Not there is anything else to do pun.