Found My Recipe Book Again

It seems life is full of whimsy. Don't get me wrong, I did figured it will turn out like this some day, even though days passed I wish it wouldn't be like this. Well then straight shooter, I'm back at this road again.

I already see it months pass but ignorance and denial were my close companions throughout the harsh journey. The wave, no matter how far you see it coming, no matter how many times you try to imagine how hard it gonna hit, it is beyond comprehension of the mind, no matter how great the mind, to do so. Here I am, thinking I'm ready to face the blast, thinking I have put up my best armor, I bleed like a thousand swords passed through my aching body.

It hurts..It really does. Without a doubt, I miss her, truly. May sound strange to people, but she was the light of me. No matter how dark the place I am, she is my source of light, never waver, never gone. And people think she is the weaker one. I have to disagree on that completely. She bears a totally different strength all together. A strength to make others strong.

I'm rambling again. That is what I've do these days. Couldn't get over the fact she is gone now. But permit me to say this, I'm thankful for 2 things. The memories I had, all the small moments, both good and bad, and also the opportunity to remain her friend still. I will treasure this greatly in my own way.

And owh god, to future me reading this, learn how to open up to people god damnit. You bottle everything like a freaking jar. Do remember, it will leak one day idiot. Lately, these few nights have been bad for me  emotionally and physically. Crying and insomnia. Bad combo peeps.

Sigh. Enough rambling. It will do me no good. Can't believe I came back to this blog after so long. Guess its my soft shell, a go to habit in a way? No regrets. No mistakes. No such thing. It was good while it last. I'm sorry that it didn't work out. Guess you are too awesome for me after all.