An emotionaly disturbed cookie

Point there. Not that this is what I was feeling. It was what I was thinking when I think of the old me. Trying to be who I really am? Sounds logical. No arguments there. But like I said. Just thinking bout the past. Something to ramble and to purge out from my system. I would say that now I'm a total different man. Still an optimist though. But no more dreams, hopes or anything unreal. Except God of course. Other than that, I believe it when I see it. I think what I want to think.

But everyone knows that I have a problem to react according to my own emotions.
When I'm angry, I might laugh
When I'm happy, I might cry
When I'm emo, I do not know how to do that.
So it's a little hard for me to do that. I find it amazing that they can just laugh when they feel like it, curse to others cause they are angry and simply cry because something terrible has happened. To be honest, something did happen. A family member of mine passed away. We aren't close but he is just 2 year older than me. Engaged and successful. It strike me in a way I do not understand.I mean, I'm just lost at words right now. I even began to wander around, walking with umbrella on my hand, journey past the rain, to absolute no where. Thinking if I actually die right now, in this minute, would anyone be genuinely sad or care? True that if i die, I die alone. I just do not know what I'm thinking now. Just at a dark dark place right now. How did I even get here in the 1st place? Did the things happening around me changes me? I do not remember being angry all the time. I do not remember the time where I always be with my close friends and not alone in a corner somewhere.

Fuck this shit k? I really do not know WHAT is happening to me. ARGH!!!!! Fuck it!

Einstein's Cookie

I like puzzles. Mainly I like to find solutions for every problem. And a little perfectionist also. That is just me. But when I think it over, I actually prefer to dwell in a problem where I'm very sure that there is a solution in the end. If there aren't any solution to the problem, I would probably be very annoyed and perhaps lost in my head. Sore loser eh? I'm human.

But this is real life. It ain't Phit Droid or Sudoku. In life's problem, there is of course a solution. However there is a twist. Is either that the solution brings another problem or it only solves most of the problems but not all of it. God is funny eh? Its like near impossible to make everyone happy. I just have to pick which is the better choice and stay there. Why must it be this way is the question that I hold no answer to. Ask the big guy if you have the chance.

The idea of a happy ending is just a mere dream I suppose. I hate myself being a perfectionists at times. Just keep on trying to make everyone happy. Doesn't matter if I'm not. I remember a dear friend of mine, who somehow manage to see deep in me(true emotions), ask this question when she was telling me her troubles and problems she is having and I did the same thing. It was some time ago, therefore the details it is not accurate. She ask that, why is it that you have such a bigger problem than me, and a serious one, but here you are, on a daily basis, manage to keep on smiling even though you are dying inside? She said that she find it so fake and I should just behave according to what I feel. Brilliant question to ask that actually question my actions. But I simply replied, I believe that no matter how fake my smile is, if it brings happiness for those around me, therefore I will never stop smiling ever again, even if I wanted to cry so badly.

Haha. I still can't believe I said that. It was on top of my head. Believe me, I usually would never say that kind of sissy stuff. Not manly at all. All in all, I see myself that others around me are more important than me despite they are total strangers. Good thing or bad? Feel free to answer either since I also do not have a clear answer. So, I am a pathetic person or a vain hero?

Exams really makes me weirder and dumber. Back to procrastinating then.

Can you cook the Cookie?

Heh.
Can you fight?
Would you?
Even though there isn't any reason to do so?
Its still there
Hidden
Not that deep
That will
to fight
to punch
to kick
Stupid phobia still give me the creepers though
I do wonder what would happen if that incident never occur
Would I be the same?
Or still a bully like last time?
It was easier back then
Yeah yeah
A jack-ass sure
But
It's fun
If that matters
Rambling again
Fuh
Another story reminds me
A guy cheats on the girl
It flashes back again
Must man do that?
Is it that necessary?
Ain't that hard to stay loyal
Is it?

Where is the recipe?

Heh
Need some one to teach me how to emo
stress is piling up as well
stupid exams
least scott pilgrim brighten my day
cool songs and shit
fuh
debates in my head has began
who will win?
i wonder
argh
life is sucky and interesting like that
the curse of choices
one will lead to another
till no end
or till you end
yeah
ending it
why the heck im writing short phrases per line
weird
crap
im doing it again
haha
who cares
screw the grammar
time to scream it out
rock it loud
dont forget to shout
others aren't allowed
lets freak freak out the audience around
hahaha
that ryhmes
me losing my head?
too late eh?
why ppl always view me the same thing?
am i that boring?
since long i can remember
i always been labeled the same barcode
like seriously
do i need to change?
hurm
i wonder would that be nice?
cause lately
everything seems sooo routine
like a freaking robot
HATING IT!!!
like seriously
need something new
something that could catch me off guard
like geting lost in the forest
or the front lawn
doesn't matter
losing interests is a problem apparently
makes me lose focus
total blur for life
WAH!!!
damn long wey!
nyahahaha
try to keep up then
still got meters to go
just stop now
before you turn blind
the demon is writing
reading more will be bad for your life span
the demon has put a spell on these words
every words are read by the reader, a second of the readers life's span shall be taken away
NO JOKE!!!
see how many words now youre reading!
just stop
NOW
.
.
Please
.
.
why are u reading this?
better question here would be
WHY AM I STILL WRITING???
Thanks for wasting your time reading this
it has lead you to absolute boredom
haha
I have a problem
a serious problemas
and yet
i'l take it to the grave
no one will know
none shall find out
sad huh?
not really
sounds more heroic if you as me
probably in denial
nyahahahaha
someone is stalking me
a ninja of the dark
i'm unable to see him
that is so cool huh?
walking around without people seeing you.
bubye

Donut Shaped Cookie

Felt like I just got shot in between my eyes.
The burst of blood rushing upwards naturally to seal the wound
But alas its pointless
The blood drips away
Losing consciousness
Heading towards the light they say

I gave up several important things in life
That meant a lot to me
Which usually helps me to smile when I drown in the sea of troubles
But no more

One would say, I have to stand by my two feet
No friends
No help
No advices
No comforts from those I love

Its saddening
That's for sure
But all this to accomplish something that seems impossible
To reunite them
To bring them back together before they realise that it is a little too late
Why can't they see this?
Why?
Am I and him brings no meaning to you?
Are we just pets that you bought and raised?

I felt no home anymore
I lost that feeling
Even it is fills with smiles and laughter
Occasionally jokes and several intellectual discussions
But it is like something is amiss
Like everything around me seems fake
Fragile
Pointless

It ain't the same
I gave up a lot
To unite you
So that you get along again
Or fight till you do

My journey is tough
One would be able to trace it with my sweat and tears I left behind
Fudge it
Keep on walking even I see the wall right in front
Its the chu-chu train of death

A Haunted Cookie on Halloween

It's happening again.
Repeatedly banging, screaming
How is this possible?
I was confident that it will not happen
All the precaution has been taken
But obviously its a clear failure
All those time, hours and days
All were used to avoid such monstrosity
Now it happening
Headache
Like a meteor shower in the brain
Would I say it is beyond logic?
One would agree
Pathetic and yet it makes me trembles in fear
Not knowing the cause and its effect that it could lead
There I was, standing alone
awkwardly
shaken
dumb-founded
clueless
like Santa Clause at the Sahara on the month of February
sighing wont help
thinking wont help
Doomed? Perhaps.
Not enough good sleep
look like hell too
but
It aint over till its over
journey on till the battery runs out
clarify till I see the clock tick's its final tick
showtime folks
Lets begin the End...

Toy Cookie

It is an interesting talent to hide true feelings from most people. It's very handy to keep people from asking too much question at bay. Surely of course, there will be times that such talent would drag on and on till it confuses you on what or perhaps who are you. Some would say it is a good thing, some would say otherwise. To lose yourself is it a good thing or not? Haha. No clue on this part of the island.

In addition to that inquiry, exams and stress aren't helping much either. Fuh. Annoyance is one thing but seriously, to me, exams is more like a race against time, not a test of knowledge or understanding. If I were given 5 hours or 6 for a paper, I would probably aced it. And please don't tell me that I should practice more writing to increase the speed. Been there, done that. Still more or less the same.

Listening to Paolo Nutini, Candy and Red Hot Chili Peppers, Dani California